Water and Tears

>>:::<<
water
embraces each drop of rain
the ocean hides my tears
>>:::<<

In my creativity blog, I talked about the additional challenges we are facing and the reasons for my scarcity in the blogging world.  I am still around, I am doing my best, and I thank you for being patient with me.

Multiple major areas in my life are, quite frankly, in turmoil, and the feeling of overwhelm with all of them happening at the same time is often unbearable and feels like I cannot keep my head above water.  But as I realize, change is the only thing that is stable and one must somehow adapt to change, as I wrote about in my last posting.  None of these areas, not even details at this point, can be ignored, avoided, or denied, or we risk lagging in improvements.  They all need attention, and there is a LOT to be done.

When there is time, I try to apply the tools I have learned (and included in this blog) for addressing emotional and physical pain and anxiety, as this continues to be a very painful time.  One thing to keep in mind that I learned from my pain psychologist is that it is important to have a variety of tools to help through pain and anxiety.  However, even though he has taught me the tools he knows, he stressed that no amount of tools combined will replace the need for genuine emotional support from other people.  Also, it is important to have multiple people to lean on, otherwise, the loss of even one source of support can be devastating.

I hope when you are facing tough times, that you have people you can count on to give you the purity of their attention and compassion.

…also, remember that it is ok to cry.

”Tears expand you, they don’t diminish you.” ~ Michael Ondaatje

The fish said, “I can’t see my tears because I’m in the water.”
The water said, “I can feel your tears because you’re in my heart.”
Lesson:  We may hide our own hurts and pains but never can we lie to the people who care about us the most.  Words aren’t needed for them to know how we are.  (Source:  Searchquotes.com)

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Adapting to Change

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It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most ADAPTABLE to CHANGE.
…

I saw this quote a few days ago and it really hit home.  My life is drastically different than it was 10 years ago, even much different than it was five years ago.  I will never be able to go back to the life I had so many years ago, and have to keep moving forward, toward adapting to more changes.  It’s a necessary acceptance.  Some of it is good, while some of it is sad.  One thing for certain, though, is that change is constant.

My “normal” keeps changing.  I’m sure many of you who visit or follow this blog can relate to how that feels.

Let’s keep forging ahead!

Traversing Rough Waters

>>:::<<
paradigm shift
sometimes the impossible
is still possible
>>:::<<

>>:::<<
depleted options
yet still crossing rough waters
perseverance
>>:::<<

There are situations where the impossible really is impossible.  But there are also times when the seemingly impossible is possible if we can look at those situations from a different angle or perspective.  We don’t always have to think of those alternatives on our own.  Sometimes a phrase, a comment, or a suggestion from someone else at the right time or place can get us to consider things differently.  One does not have to traverse rough waters in a boat if it is not available.  Sometimes “leaves” (metaphorically) will get us across.

A couple of examples:

Three years ago, when my doctors told me they “couldn’t do any more for me,” I hadn’t thought about alternative medicine as an option.  After hearing the doctors’ dreadful words, I was devastated and thought my situation was hopeless.  Was I to remain nonfunctional and debilitated forever?  My pain psychologist then suggested I try alternative medicine and said, “What do you have to lose?”  He said I needed to stop relying on doctors to provide answers for my undiagnosed conditions, because I kept running into dead ends.  He was right.  The alternative route has been better, gentler and healthier for those issues.

My fragrance and chemical sensitivities are a struggle because it has lead to increasing isolation and a significantly decreased social life.  Although it has made me appreciate nature more, and has resulted in doing more activities in nature, we still try to think of ways where I can get out into society and minimize my exposures at the same time.  We still need contact with other people where possible, and I don’t want to live in total recluse.  Here are a few ways we have adjusted:

• My hubby and mother are fragrance free 100% of the time, and my two best friends are fragrance free when I’m with them.
• We can have people in our home if they are fragrance free when they come.  I can visit friends and family if their home is fragrance free while I am there.
• I can still go out to eat if the establishment isn’t using air fresheners or scented candles, and I am not seated next to others wearing heavier fragrance.  I have kindly asked to be moved to a different table before.
• I can go to a movie theatre if it is a matinée (cheaper) and/or the theatre doesn’t have many occupants.  That way I can move to a different seat if I have to.
• I can go into shops if they are not using air fresheners or other fragrances.
• I can go to departments stores if I stay away from the perfume and fragrances section.
• Etc., etc., etc.

As I’ve mentioned in previous postings, I still have a long way to go with my health and chronic pain, and I still have rough setbacks, but I have improved from three years ago.  I still struggle and get discouraged at times, but I have to remember that in reality, there is still hope and there are still options.

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What are some examples of where you are using “leaves” instead of “boats” to get across rough waters?

MCS Awareness Month / Fragrance Sensitivity

May is national MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) month.  Briefly, MCS is defined as suffering “multi-system illnesses as a result of contact with, or proximity to, a variety of airborne agents and other substances.”

According to MCS-America, MCS affects over 48 million men, women and children of all races.  There are many substances that affect those with MCS, some of which include fragrances, cleaning products, laundry products, air fresheners and scented candles, secondhand smoke, pesticides, paints, solvents, certain foods, preservatives, beauty and personal care products, etc, etc.  Symptoms can range from mild annoyances to life-threatening reactions.

As I wrote in my previous posting about Human Canaries, I am a person who is highly sensitive to low levels of fragrances and chemicals.  They make me very sick and I could be debilitated in bed for at least a couple of days after an exposure…and an exposure could be as simple as getting a whiff of someone’s perfume or walking by an air freshener.

FRAGRANCE SENSITIVITY

The remainder of this post will focus mainly on fragrance sensitivities, which is a part of MCS.  Studies are suggesting that fragrances are becoming an increasing concern in general, and definitely for me because of its increasing prevalence.  There are more and more fragranced products that are available, and more products where the fragrance is designed to last longer (as I have seen in commercials for certain laundry products).

Health Concerns

Research has discovered a number of toxic and undisclosed chemicals in fragranced products.  Prior to the 1970s, perfumes were primarily made from natural ingredients like flowers and herbs.  However, perfume formulations have since changed.  Today, perfumes are over 90% synthetic.  These fragrances can contain up to several hundred chemicals, many of which are toxic even at low levels and can be dangerous when inhaled or applied to the skin.  Low levels can accumulate and small exposures over time can lead to health problems.  Common fragrance chemicals have been found to be toxic to the neurological, respiratory, immune, and endocrine systems.  The skin is the largest organ in the body and absorbs chemicals, which can affect other organs in the body.   Also, according to the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD), fragrances are considered a leading cause of contact dermatitis.

Fragranced Products

Fragranced products are widely used in homes, businesses, institutions, and public places.  Some that are of concern include:

• Laundry products – detergents, fabric softeners and dryer sheets
• Scented candles and air fresheners
• Personal care – soap, shampoo, hairspray, gels, lotions, sunscreen, deodorants
• Perfumes, powders, oils
• Cleaning supplies

Environmental Impact:

Fragrance chemicals enter and persist in the environment.  They have been found in the air, soil, water bodies and drinking water, and are difficult and costly to remove once they have entered the environment.

Fragrance Regulation:

The fragrance industry is mainly self-regulated.  No law in the United States requires disclosure of any ingredients in a chemical mixture called “fragrance” even if the chemicals are toxic or carcinogenic.  Depending on the type of product, the word “fragrance” may not even need to be listed.  Certain regulated products only need to list “fragrance” or a similar term, as an ingredient, but not the ingredients that make up the fragrance, even though an individual “fragrance” can contain up to several hundred chemicals.  Generally, consumer product ingredients are exempt from disclosure, some of which are protected as “trade secrets.”

Alternatives

There are many resources on the internet that include healthier and environmentally responsible alternatives.  Here are just a handful of suggestions:

• Choose products without fragrance, scent or perfume.
• Help institute or suggest a fragrance-free policy at work in consideration of those who are sensitive and become ill.
• Baking Soda – a versatile natural cleaner, scourer, odor absorber, deodorizer, and is a natural fabric softener and deodorizer when added to the wash water prior to adding clothes.
• White Vinegar – another versatile natural cleaner, grease cutter, stain remover, removes mildew, odors, and is a natural fabric softener, deodorizer and reduces static cling when added to the wash or rinse water
• Lemon – has effective antibacterial qualities and can dissolve all sorts of grime.
• Use better ventilation and consider plants that absorb and reduce odors, rather than using a potentially toxic air freshener that masks the odors but does not clean the air.
• Hydrogen peroxide – for cleaning
• Fresh coffee grounds – absorbs odors
• A natural or organic ingredient, or essential oils do not always mean it’s safe.  Some can be harmful and emit hazardous chemicals.  (Some natural plant smells alone that make me very ill are lavender, gardenia and stronger fragrant flowers.)

Remember, being “clean” does not have a smell, and changing just one thing is a positive step to a healthier environment and healthier living.

Consideration for people with sensitivities

Even for those who do not experience any reactions to chemicals, fragrances, allergens, etc., or do not notice their existence, we might consider healthier alternatives for our own sake, the environment, and for those whose lives are greatly altered and tormented by their presence.

Please be considerate and respectful of those who say they are noticing a fragrance, chemical or allergen that is making them ill, whether it is something wafting in the environment or a product being used by someone they are with.  It is a very real problem for us and leads to loneliness and involuntary (or necessary) isolation from relationships and activities that we so much want to be a part of.  Personally, my doctor said my only option is to avoid any of my irritants called fragrances and chemicals.  Health should be a top priority.  Judgmental reactions and criticisms do not help.  Some people are so debilitated from what many would consider low or unnoticeable levels that they have had to resort to near total isolation to protect their health. I believe this is the case with some of my blogging friends who have MCS.

Friends, family and others who are considerate, respectful and even stand up for us as an advocate shows us that we are important to them, and that we matter.  What an important and necessary feeling to experience!

Here is a closing thought to consider:  When you genuinely matter to someone, they will always be there for you.  No excuses, no lies, no broken promises. 

Related articles:

• Environmental Illness Websites from Around the World
• Fragrance Free Products

Pain Haiku #2

>>>::<<<
dark clouds swallow me
relentlessly tormenting
pain monsters
>>>::<<<

Several weeks have passed and the elevated, intense pain symptoms persist.  The list of places in my body without pain is shorter than the list of places experiencing pain.  This recent increase is explainable.  There have been a few unexpected setbacks, and I need to continue therapy, stretches and treatments to get me back on track.

In one of my pain psychology sessions a while back, I showed my psychologist some doodles I had created, which included some emotional situations involving…of course…pain.  One of the recommendations he had in addition to doing artwork regarding emotional situations is to draw an alternate scenario.  For example, he asked how I would draw myself if I had more “power ” and said that drawing an alternate scenario can help you figure out an alternate in real life.  So here it is…my alternate scenario:

>>>::<<<
pulverize the beasts
banish to oblivion
a bright new day
>>>::<<<

Pain is only one type of monster persisting right now.  What kinds of monsters are persisting (or have persisted in the past) for you?

Pain Haiku

>>>::<<<
pain advances
like shadows grow through the day
a new day has not dawned
>>>::<<<

Lately, there has been quite an increase in chronic pain and other symptoms.  I hope for the day when decreased pain will give me some freedom and independence.  In the meantime, I must continue treatments, therapy, stretches and mind/body exercises, including taking pain breaks with what I call my “nature, photography, and creativity meditation.”

Anxiety, Emotions and Opening To Them

The guidance in this posting was prepared and provided to me by my Craniosacral Therapist (CST, LMT).  She has given me permission to include it in this blog either in verbatim or paraphrased.  (FYI – I first posted about my initial experience with CST here.)

My CST has been treating me for many physical issues over the last couple of years including chronic pain in several areas of my body, and recovery from multiple surgeries.  Weekly craniosacral and massage therapy sessions from her, regular pain psychology sessions from a licensed psychologist, and periodic acupuncture treatments from a licensed acupuncturist, have provided me with the majority of improvements and answers concerning my recent health issues.

Since the body and the mind are connected, professionals and exercises in both areas are essential for my healing.  My CST said it is important to note that she is not a psychologist, and that her work includes how the mind and psyche (such as anxiety, emotions, thoughts, feelings) enter and affect the body physically.  Her expertise and treatments have been very helpful for me.  The information here is based on her personal experiences and materials she has come across over the years in bodywork trainings, meditation trainings, and teachings she has heard.  I thank her for allowing me to include her experiences here.  (This image below is a doodle I did to introduce her information.)

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When you feel a strong emotion arise:

1)  Focus on your breath.  Connect with the physical sensations of breathing in your body.  Do you feel your chest rise and fall, do you feel the breath rush past places in your sinuses or down the back of your throat?  Any place you can feel the breath enter and leave, focus there.  Your breath is your anchor to the present moment.  It’s impossible to breath in the past or future where your mind and/or body often want to go in their remembering or anticipating.  To invite yourself fully into the present moment, focus on your breath.  Note how your breath feels and what you notice.  After noting awareness, invite your breath to gradually become slower, deeper, more relaxed and more regular.  I often repeat those four parts to myself when I feel increased anxiety…slower, deeper, more relaxed and more regular. Give yourself several minutes of this practice to slow down.  Dr. Andrew Weil teaches this practice as a way to turn off fight or flight response in the body.  You may be able to find more information on his website or look for his Breathing: Master Key to Self Healing series.

Keep Going Even If It’s Slow!

It does not matter how slow you go as long as you don’t stop.  ~ Confucius

Many health issues over the last few years, including high chronic pain, have slowed me down significantly.  In my healthy heyday, I was constantly on the go and had a good career!  Now, I move very slow and am dependent on others to help stabilize me when we leave the house.  I feel like I am being left behind in this fast paced world.  However, I do have wonderful people closest to me who have stuck with me, supported and encouraged me in many ways, and have slowed their pace to meet mine.  This is gold!

Improvements are slow but I am better than I was two years ago.  During those times when things get discouraging, it’s important to remember quotes like this.  Slow is not bad.  It helps one appreciate the things that whizzed by before.

Even if I am moving  s l o w l y,  it still means there is progress.  Remember the story about the tortoise and the hare?  In the end, the tortoise won with slow, steady progress.

What are some profound quotes you have handy when experiencing tough times?

Support and Encouragement

A Friend, a photo by Fergiemoto on Flickr.  (click on photo to enlarge)

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True friends and family fly to you when you don’t have the ability to fly yourself.  They support, comfort and encourage you physically and emotionally.  ~ Fergiemoto

Finch (right):  “I’m so discouraged.”
Junco (left):  “I’m there for you.  How can I help?  You can talk to me…I really mean it.”

Remember that close friends and relatives struggling with chronic/invisible illnesses or pain need us to be there for them.  Here are some ways to show support and encouragement:

• Slow down.  Listen with your whole body and 100% of your attention.  Look at them and acknowledge you are truly hearing what they are saying.  To the person talking, this is more valuable than all the gold in the world.  Never underestimate the power of holding the space for someone who needs a listening ear. You may be their life-line.
• Let them know you are truly there for them and that you are listening.  Silence when a person needs to know someone is really there can lead them to feel lonely.
• Avoid interrupting them while they are talking.  Let them finish speaking before you respond.  When you are talking, you are not listening.
• Allow the person to feel just as they are.  Avoid judgment, lecturing, criticizing, ridiculing, etc.  Telling them to tough it out, quit complaining, pull it together, they have a low pain tolerance, they’re crazy, it’s not a big deal, or threatening to stay away can lead to negative results.  Sometimes the pain inside is much more intense than the pain they are showing.
• Be there with them, physically and emotionally.  Don’t try to fix it.

“Celebrate The Small Successes!”

Baby steps…toddler steps…sometimes this is the pace we have to take to achieve our end goals and desires.  Overcoming any kind of struggle can be very daunting, frustrating and discouraging, and setting large goals can seem overwhelming.  They require patience that sometimes we don’t think we have anymore.  It’s easy to get over-ambitious and all too often, we are looking for an overnight success, which is understandable.  In the meantime, we overlook and neglect the small accomplishments that lead to larger victories.  Busy schedules can bog us down; pain can seem to overtake our entire waking moments that we wonder if there is ever an end; then we miss the chance to celebrate those wins.  Progress is good at any level because it means we are headed in the right direction.  I realize this is easier said than done.  Believe me, I’ve been there many times.

When you have a success, do you say a quick “yay”, move on as if nothing special happened, and then rarely or never give it another thought?  The next time you have a success, remember this:  Recognize…Reward…and Celebrate!  You are working hard to reach your goal, so don’t brush it aside.  The body and mind need the reinforcement and encouragement.  When you celebrate, you are helping to breed an attitude of “I’m successful” to your mind, which will then breed more success.  One success leads to another to another and hopefully you will accelerate the process of reaching your goals, i.e., the snowball effect.  Mental health affects physical health.

Addressing Emotional Pain #1

”Tears expand you, they don’t diminish you.” ~ Michael Ondaatje
“We are expanded by tears, not reduced by them.” ~ anon

I’ve learned many important things about pain, physical and emotional, in my various treatment sessions over the last year and a half.  I will share more of them here and in later postings.

If you experience pain, have you heard things like:  “It’s all in your head.”; “It’s psychological.”; “You have a low tolerance for pain.”; “You’re not handling pain very well.”; “Pull yourself together and quit complaining.”; “Tough it out.”; “Quit crying.”;  etc.

If so, how did that make you feel?  Did you feel like it was an attempt to minimize what you are experiencing, or that the person didn’t care about how you were feeling?  In my opinion, those and similar statements would hinder communication and trust at a time when support and encouragement are needed.  Did you feel like you were weak and that you needed to be a “stronger” person?  Read the quote at the top of this post again.

Addressing Physical Pain

The best way out is always through. ~ Robert Frost
If you are going through hell, keep going. ~ Winston Churchill

If you are a chronic pain sufferer, you probably have days that are more of a struggle than others.  Some even seem impossible to get through, but fortunately, those days are getting fewer and fewer for me.

There are many ways to address physical pain, chronic or not, but with helpful guidance from my healers, here are techniques and exercises I have learned.  The exercises are much easier said than done, but practice helps.

• Meditation – This includes “mindfulness meditation.”  Meditation helps with relaxing which can help decrease pain.
• Have someone to confide in 100%  – Talking it out or leaning on a compassionate shoulder can be very helpful.  To be effective, that person needs to give you their full attention and genuinely want to listen.
  “We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection”. ~ Dalai Lama
• Body awareness – As explained to me, “sometimes the way out of pain is to go right through it.”
• Be in the “moment” –  Give yourself a break and be in the present.  For that time, don’t think about what might happen in the future, or think “what if this never goes away”.  Don’t think about how difficult the road to the present has been.
• Gather Moments – Rewind through the activities of a a particularly bad day to find the good things that happened.  Write it down and  soon you will have a “bouquet of moments” to recall for other challenging days.
• Celebrate the small successes – It’s important to recognize and reward progress.