>>>::<<<
dark clouds swallow me
relentlessly tormenting
pain monsters
>>>::<<<
Several weeks have passed and the elevated, intense pain symptoms persist. The list of places in my body without pain is shorter than the list of places experiencing pain. This recent increase is explainable. There have been a few unexpected setbacks, and I need to continue therapy, stretches and treatments to get me back on track.
In one of my pain psychology sessions a while back, I showed my psychologist some doodles I had created, which included some emotional situations involving…of course…pain. One of the recommendations he had in addition to doing artwork regarding emotional situations is to draw an alternate scenario. For example, he asked how I would draw myself if I had more “power ” and said that drawing an alternate scenario can help you figure out an alternate in real life. So here it is…my alternate scenario:
>>>::<<<
pulverize the beasts
banish to oblivion
a bright new day
>>>::<<<
Pain is only one type of monster persisting right now. What kinds of monsters are persisting (or have persisted in the past) for you?
>>>::<<<
pain advances
like shadows grow through the day
a new day has not dawned
>>>::<<<
Lately, there has been quite an increase in chronic pain and other symptoms. I hope for the day when decreased pain will give me some freedom and independence. In the meantime, I must continue treatments, therapy, stretches and mind/body exercises, including taking pain breaks with what I call my “nature, photography, and creativity meditation.”
>>:::<< the harder we try the more evasive the problem try by not trying >>:::<<
We all need to take breaks, regardless of what we are doing. I’ve experienced the mental blocks at work where I needed to walk away from a problem and come back to it later with a different perspective. I’ve had the “creativity block” where I just cannot think of a haiku to write, a subject for a blog post, or an image I wanted to work on and what to do with it. Sometimes trying to get rid of anxiety and giving it attention makes the anxiety even worse. With chronic pain, sometimes meditation or a diversion will help temporarily reduce the pain.
There are countless examples where we need breaks. Getting an answer is part of trusting, without being critical, that putting it aside for a while will bring an answer.
I created this image above, which is a combination of a doodle and a photo of a Western Scrub Jay that visits us daily for peanuts. This is my first attempt at what I have been calling a Camera+Doodle. I have more in mind and it is the result of something different I wanted to do. In fact, it was the result of “try by not trying.”
This scrub jay does come very close to us, but I noticed the harder I try to get him to come closer, the more distance he leaves between us. If I just ignore him and go about my business, he usually comes closer. He has yet to take food from my hand, but one of the squirrels here will gently take peanuts from me. Also, a chickadee landed on my hand last fall, picked up a peanut, paused and looked at me for a few seconds before leaving. The closest this scrub jay came to me was recently when I was feeding the squirrel. He landed beside me, looked right at me and squawked as if to say, “Hey! That’s MY peanut!” The squawk made the poor little squirrel jump, and he scampered away.
Some day this scrub jay will take a peanut from me, just like in the image above. I just have to be patient and “try by not trying.”
Do you have examples of “try by not trying” that you would be willing to share? I’d love to know about it!
.
Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear. ~ Lao Tzu
Sometimes we just need to take a break to clear our minds or let fresh thoughts and ideas flow in. Here are just a few examples:
If we are struggling with finding a solution to a problem, it may help to let it rest for a while. Go for a walk or do something else, and return to the problem refreshed rather than continuing to spin our wheels.
If we are overcome by chronic physical or emotional pain, perhaps a meditative or other relaxing activity will temporarily lessen the intensity.
If thoughts are racing through our minds, anxiety is elevated, or tempers are flying in a heated interaction, calming down can clear or minimize the turmoil.
etc.
What are some muddy waters you have faced and what have you done to let it become clear?
a psychological phenomenon in which an individual has a sudden, usually powerful, re-experiencing of a past experience or elements of a past experience. These experiences can be happy, sad, exciting, or any other emotion one can consider. The term is used particularly when the memory is recalled involuntarily, and/or when it is so intense that the person ‘relives’ the experience, unable to fully recognize it as memory and not something that is happening in ‘real time.’ Flashbacks are the ‘personal experiences that pop into your awareness, without any conscious, premeditated attempt to search and retrieve this memory.’ (Source: Wikipedia)
I have grouped painful flashbacks as part of the “addressing emotional pain” category because I’ve learned through my pain psychology sessions that they are handled similarly to emotional pain. In previous postings, I included some of the tools that can help with painful emotions, including having an awareness of the body and how it is feeling, physically and emotionally.
Certain situations (events, places, smells, comments, time of year, etc.) can trigger flashbacks. They can be very uncomfortable and lead to feelings like fear, sadness, anxiety, panic attacks, etc. There are a few situations that trigger flashbacks for me. They can go as far as feeling anxiety, and a couple even resulted in panic attacks.
A flashback can feel very real, and your body may think it is a real event. When a flashback occurs, what are some things we can do to get through it? The key thing to remember is that the traumatic event in the flashback is not happening now even though the emotions, fears, and physical responses may be the same. Over time, the reactions to the flashbacks will diminish. Some with take more work than others. The goal is to get to the point where they are “just memories” and that’s it. Here are some things to consider:
Breathe and practice relaxation techniques
Allow your body to feel what is happening and have a curious acceptance about those feelings.
Use some of the tools I’ve talked about to address emotional pain like mindfulness meditation, body awareness, guided imagery, etc. Click here to see more examples.
Have empathy for yourself and coach yourself through it calmly and objectively. For example, some of the things I’m learning to say to myself are:
“I wonder what this means.” (This is an important one for me because it involves seeking guidance from our inner advisor, which I’ve also posted about before.)
“What was the trigger?”
“I am remembering things very vividly, but it is not happening to me now.”
“This is uncomfortable, I hate it, but I got through this before and I will get through it again.”
“It will not kill me.”
“I have the skills and tools to help me, and I know how to use them.”
Although coping with some of my flashbacks still need more work, there are a few that now carry no emotion, no hurt, and no anxiety if the memories occur…they have gradually become “just memories!”
If you have experienced painful flashbacks, what methods have helped you get through it?
Feeling angry? Have you ever been so angry that you felt like punching something (like this little squirrel appears to be feeling)?
Feeling angry is not bad. Remember, experiencing a variety of emotions depending on our circumstances, is a fact of life. They are going to happen and they need to happen, and are a natural occurrence. Anger is an intense emotion and can carry a great deal of force and energy with it. If we bottle this energy inside us, it will come out later in one way or another, such as lashing out at others or as health problems, for example. A number of tools exist that can help us analyze and express negative emotions, including anger, in a safe and healthy way. Trying to stop the energy from anger may feel like trying to stop a hurricane, but, no, punching someone is NOT ok.
It’s important to recognize that anger is generally a secondary emotion, which I discussed in a previous posting. Anger is usually a response to a primary emotion or situation, and when we analyze our anger, we may discover that there are different emotions and feelings at the core, such as shame, fear, worry, guilt, embarrassment, etc. (If we assume the little squirrel above is angry, what could be it’s primary emotion? Fear, perhaps?)
Previously, I listed a number of tools that I keep in my toolbox to help analyze and address emotions. There are numerous other ways that also exist, and each of us needs to find the tools, or combination of tools that work for us. I’ve listed these before, but here is a handful of tools that may help:
Managing symptoms by expression:
Talk out your emotions with a good friend or relative who is willing to listen
Write about your feelings in a journal or through poetry
Cry. It is “part of a healthy emotional healing process”
Express your feelings through art, photography or crafts (like I did with the squirrel photo above)
Do some kind of exercise like walking, jogging, aerobics, etc., that can use the emotional energy associated with the anger and move it out of your body
Finding safe and healthy ways to release painful and negative emotions from our bodies creates space for more positive emotions to move in, and more peace within our life.
. What are some of the ways you have found to help manage anger? .
>>:::<<
a resonating voice
soundless yet influential
listen and trust it >>:::<<
Have you ever looked inside yourself to find answers to your questions, whether it’s help with a problem, a project, making decisions, finding out what’s behind some of our health issues and what we need to heal, determining the reason for certain recurring memories, or even why some situations seem to trigger strong emotions, etc.? Our questions can involve a variety of issues, and sometimes the answers you receive can be very surprising, as depicted in my photo above.
Those who understand or practice mind/body exercises like meditation or guided imagery probably understand how important it is to consult and trust our inner voices, ie., tapping into our subconscious for help (also referred to as our “inner advisor” or “inner physician” – I like to use the term “inner advisor,” which I introduced in my posting here about a year ago ). This also helps build and strengthen our intuition. More
Knowing others is wisdom; Knowing the self is enlightenment; Mastering the self is true power. ~ Lao Tzu
Recognizing our primary and secondary emotions helps us understand what our core emotions and issues are. I talked a little about core issues in my previous post on body awareness. Simply, secondary emotions occur in response to a primary emotion. Eventually we may unknowingly bury our primary emotions until they are unrecognizable. The problem with this is that we may think our secondary emotions are what we are really feeling, and address those, rather than addressing the true and primary emotions.
Anger is a good example of a secondary emotion. Anger is usually a response to a primary emotion or situation. When we get behind our anger, we may discover that there is a different emotion at the core, such as shame, fear, worry, guilt, embarrassment, regret, sadness, loneliness, etc. Anger, although an intense emotion, is more acceptable and easier to admit to than showing vulnerability. If a primary emotion is shame, people usually don’t want to admit to shame, so they may respond with anger instead. Some will want to push back for safety, and get away from the true emotion with a few sharp words of anger.
Irritability can be a similar response to anger. It is usually a secondary emotion (other than hormonal). What about anxiety? It could be a secondary emotion to fear.
If we don’t address our primary emotions, they likely won’t go away. We may not express them for a variety of reasons, such as habit, upbringing, social situations, etc. Therefore, secondary emotions may end up hindering us because we are not addressing the real issue, nor are we expressing them appropriately. Also, we probably won’t be able to understand what our primary emotions are without understanding how to use self-awareness tools, some of which I have talked about in this blog. Tools such as body awareness, mindfulness meditation, emotion focus therapy, guided imagery, downward arrow exercise, and so on, really help us listen to our bodies and feelings. You may have a different tool that you have found to be effective for you. Something to keep in mind is to keep asking yourself, “what am I feeling…what else am I feeling…what else…what else?”
It’s like deconstructing a recipe. When you taste something, there is an interplay of ingredients that make up the overall taste. But savor the flavors and notice the individual tastes and sensations. What’s making up the taste? For example, you may find that you taste cinnamon, pepper, lemon, etc. So..…what’s really making up your emotions? Try to deconstruct it and see what you find.
Don’t always be comfortable with your first emotion. Try to find out what it is really about. Recognizing deeper emotions can be very helpful part of a healing process!
Emotion is the chief source of all becoming-conscious. There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion. ~ Carl Jung
The key message from my last posting was that emotions, painful ones, need to be represented and processed – they need an outlet. Emotions in general are natural, and they are going to happen. If you try to stop, distract, dismiss,or suppress them, they just find another way to show up. Pain tells us something needs attention.
Since I don’t require medication, and cannot take them anyway, I prefer to use tools to address emotions. Here, I will share some of what I have learned. Many are a repeat or a variation of the tools I listed for addressing physical pain, but I will list them anyway. There are several, but in my opinion, you can never have too many good tools in your toolbox. Some tools are used more than others, some work better than others given the situation, sometimes you need a combination of tools, and others are used infrequently, but it sure is nice to have them when you need them. Everyone needs to find what works best for them with proper guidance from a healthcare provider.
Remember: Distracting an emotion is like taking an aspirin – it just masks the symptoms and doesn’t get at the root. Eventually, the aspirin wears off and the pain returns.
Tools
Talk to some you can confide in 100% – Talking and expressing your feelings is a key tool, and the most important for me. To be effective, the person you talk to needs to give you their full attention and genuinely want to listen. More
The best way out is always through. ~ Robert Frost If you are going through hell, keep going. ~ Winston Churchill
If you are a chronic pain sufferer, you probably have days that are more of a struggle than others. Some even seem impossible to get through, but fortunately, those days are getting fewer and fewer for me.
There are many ways to address physical pain, chronic or not, but with helpful guidance from my healers, here are techniques and exercises I have learned. The exercises are much easier said than done, but practice helps.
Meditation – This includes “mindfulness meditation.” Meditation helps with relaxing which can help decrease pain.
Have someone to confide in 100% – Talking it out or leaning on a compassionate shoulder can be very helpful. To be effective, that person needs to give you their full attention and genuinely want to listen.
“We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection”. ~ Dalai Lama
Body awareness – As explained to me, “sometimes the way out of pain is to go right through it.”
Be in the “moment” – Give yourself a break and be in the present. For that time, don’t think about what might happen in the future, or think “what if this never goes away”. Don’t think about how difficult the road to the present has been.
Gather Moments – Rewind through the activities of a a particularly bad day to find the good things that happened. Write it down and soon you will have a “bouquet of moments” to recall for other challenging days.
Celebrate the small successes – It’s important to recognize and reward progress. More
Those of us who have experienced migraines know they are not “just headaches.” It’s a debilitating, excruciating experience. A migraine leaves me with nausea, sharp and intense one-sided throbbing head pain and sometimes dizziness. I have to lie down in a dark, quiet room for several hours, and sometimes days, until it has run its course. It’s impossible to function. Since I prefer to be a functioning person rather than confined to bed, I needed to identify my migraine triggers and manage those. I’ve boiled those triggers down to the following:
>>:::<<
Whispers of guidance
Subtle taps at awareness
Enlightened healing!
>>:::<<
The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground ~ Buddha
My previous posting on mindfulness meditation touched on the benefits of becoming more aware of the physical feelings in your body, both large and small. Also, when you pay attention to and study your body, you begin to notice the physical sensations that occur in your body during a particular experience or emotion.
If you ask people what they feel in their body when they experience a certain emotion, a response you might get is, “I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it.” People generally are not aware of these details. More
Don’t listen to friends when the Friend inside you says “Do this” ~ Gandhi
In my last post I talked about my first experiences with guided imagery and visual imagery and about asking my “inner advisor” questions. I had, and still have, many questions. So, with a new tool in hand, I went home to practice, practice, practice. I followed the guidance I received, but I wasn’t getting answers. My inner advisor wasn’t talking to me.
But wait! The strange part to me was putting a question “out there.” And even more confusing to me was how I would receive the answers. I didn’t know what would happen or what I would feel. How would I know it’s the answer? How would I know I wasn’t just making it up? More
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. ~ Carl Jung
Guided imagery and visual imagery are two more techniques based on the concept that the mind and body are connected. They involve the subconscious and imagination and help with stress reduction and relaxation. The subconscious, as explained to me, is like a computer CPU continually processing things in the background, mostly without our knowledge. The conscious is like the computer screen – we only see a portion of what the computer is processing.
In my pain psychology sessions, we approached guided imagery by first selecting something to symbolize my “inner advisor” (the non-conscious, or subconscious self). This could be a person or an animal, etc. – but something that feels safe to be with. The next step was to close my eyes, select a safe and secure place where I can feel relaxed, and visualize this place in my mind. The inner advisor I selected was one of my favorite dogs we had when I was a kid. More
>>:::<<
Flow with the river
Float with the breeze, bathe in bliss
Notice nothing else
>>:::<<
In my last post, I cited that getting lost in an activity could be considered a type of meditation for me, which allows an escape from some of the pain. I can get lost in certain music, artwork, photographing nature, etc. This is described as Flow psychology (or being present in the moment). It involves being fully immersed and absorbed in an activity to the point you are oblivious to everything else. It is being connected to an activity, to a moment. The expert on this is Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a psychologist and educator who emigrated from Europe to the United States in the 1950’s. (I’m unable to pronounce his name correctly.)
The skipper butterfly in the photo above is a good example of Flow, in my opinion. This butterfly was so absorbed in drinking nectar from the flower that it was totally oblivious to me. I stroked its wings, I nudged it back and forth, I put the camera right in its face, which is how I got such a closeup shot, and it did not budge or fly away until it was done. Great Flow! Working on getting this photo and enhancing it afterwards was Flow for me.
The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind. – Caroline Myss
About a year ago, I began meeting with a pain psychologist hoping I could learn how to manage my pain enough to function reasonably well, and do it without drugs. I didn’t want something that would only cover the symptoms. He told me it would be hard work but I would be learning some valuable tools. I felt relief because it was the first time in a long time I didn’t have drugs pushed towards me. Someone in the healthcare community finally listened to me (I mean really listened), heard me, understood me and supported me. Wow!
At first, I anticipated being coached and refreshed on some deep breathing techniques. Instead, we started with “meditation” – mindfulness meditation. I was surprised because I had never tried meditation before, and I didn’t understand how to do it. I thought, “What does mindfulness really mean?” I pictured myself in nature sitting in the typical meditation fashion, eyes closed and uttering “ommmmm……ommmmm……” More
I’m interested to know what your general experiences have been. Have any of your doctors ever mentioned alternative treatments to you? I do realize that presenting alternative treatments, or any treatment option, has to be sensible for you, and that it may not even apply to your condition.
Answers may be significantly different depending on what country you live in. The definition of alternative medicine may even be different, but for the purposes of this poll, we’ll divide alternative medicine into three general categories, as used by Dr. Oz (see video in my earlier posting):
Things you put in your mouth – herbs, supplements, foods
Manual body manipulation like acupuncture, massage therapy, etc.
Mind/Body connection – meditation, breathing exercises, etc.
Fergiemoto
"The part can never be well unless the whole is well." -- Plato
I’m not a health care provider, just a patient. The information in this blog is not advice. I am mostly writing about my experiences. Consult with your healthcare professional first.
"The part can never be well unless the whole is well." -- Plato
Ichigo Ichie 